Guest Blog Entry by a Liberal Commie Pinko Visitor to Malawi

I arrived in Malawi about a week ago, after a long and grueling bus ride from Lusaka, Zambia which left about 6 hours late. For those unfortunate 6 hours that Loo and I spent on the bus, in the parking lot, waiting for it to fill up, there was an annoying and intoxicated man who insisted that he was going to marry me – that I was “the one.” This was a couple hours after he introduced us to his wife and baby, sitting two rows back from us. Even though Loo is a year younger than me, he kept addressing her as his mother-in-law.

This story in many ways characterized the bulk of my trip in Malawi: awkward and entertaining miscommunication, long waits for buses, and lots of giggling between Loo and myself.

We arrived in Salima, Loo’s hometown and checked out some of her favorite spots: The Ice Cream Canoe Den (which only sometimes has ice cream), Chipiku (the grocery store with a very handsome man with whom Loo has shy and awkward verbal exchanges), and Senga Bay (a nearby beach accessible via the back of a pick-up truck). I met one of Loo’s Malawian friends Edward, who told me riddles – you know, the one about the hyena, the goat and the maize…. We also went out dancing with one of Loo’s coworkers, a teacher named Mr. Chipeta. He told us all about witchcraft, which is very real and alive in Malawi. He explained to us that witches who ride on broomsticks are only mythical. In reality, the witches turn into naked bears and ride on their private airplanes.

It was in Salima that I understood firsthand what Loo had been telling me about Malawian greetings. Basically, whenever you walk past anyone, you must stop to greet them. Loo told me about how she’d walk into a room full of her coworkers and she’d have to go around the room and greet each one individually. So much time is taken up with these greetings! At the same time, it is very polite and friendly and helps to make Malawi the so-called “warm heart of Africa.” One thing to note is that the children are also trained in this style of greeting. Usually, however, they conclude their greetings with “give me money” or “give me pen.” It makes one wonder about the societal ramifications of the decades of charity work and development in Africa.

We then ventured up the Lakeshore Road, one of the few major highways in Malawi. We stopped at the beautiful Nkhata Bay, which was filled with many other mizungus (foreigners/ gringos), specifically of the backpacker variety. We ate pizza! It was delicious! We also paddled for a bit out into the lake, though it was very rocky and we both felt a bit ill. For those of you who don’t know, Lake Malawi is giant – it appears to be an ocean, and has lovely beaches. It also seems to help create the country’s laid back island vibe, which makes it differ from its neighbor to the south, Zambia.

Continuing our trip northward up the lake, we stopped in Chitimba, which has a long sandy beach. We arrived to find a perfect, silent, private paradise. That was, until the “overlanders” arrived. Although this word had been thrown around by Loo and others before we arrived, I wasn’t sure what the overlanders were until I encountered them. Basically, the term refers to people who travel in giant groups in large armored bus-tanks. They bring their own food, cook for themselves and sleep in their own uniform tents. They don’t socialize with others. They do wear safari gear. Basically they travel through Africa at a distance, with limited interactions with locals (except of course to give the local children money and pens, which makes it really annoying for the rest of us). I am now preparing for my flight back to America (not “United States” – no one here knows what that is – only “America”). While I will be sad to leave my dear friend Loo, I will look forward to scheduled transport, shorts, Lebanese food and people ignoring me.